The Panic Attack
by Marie S Zachary
Summary: Trudy has a major panic attack. She had been having panic attacks for awhile and it wasn't getting easier. Adrian however was right there with her the whole time. He has gotten her through many things and he is determined to get her through this.


Disclaimer: I don't own Monk but I do owe credit to Monkwriter for inspiring the idea for this story.

* * *

She felt like the walls were closing in on her. Her heart was pounding in her chest so bad she couldn't breathe. Tears welled up in her eyes and started spilling like a waterfall. She was dizzy. She couldn't even move.

She knew it was a panic attack. She had them before but now they were coming on more frequently. It had never been this bad though. She didn't understand what was causing it. It just seemed to come on out of nowhere and frankly she didn't like it.

Adrian woke up just as she started to shake.

"Tru," he whispered

She couldn't talk. It was all she could do to breathe.

"Panic attack," he asked more in the form of a statement then a question.

She nodded tears pooling in her eyes. He could see it was really bad. This wasn't the normal type of panic attack—not that any panic attack was normal but this was getting worse. He wrapped his arms around her rubbing her back in a circular motion speaking soothingly to her until her breathing finally steadied and got a little more under control. When she was finally able to speak she said, "This was the worst one yet"

"I know," he told her, "come on… I think you could use some air"

"I was just about to open the window"

"I'm thinking more like we go for a walk on the beach… the boardwalk that is"

"But I-"

"I know," he interrupted, "come on… go get dressed and get your coat"

He helped her to stand up and slowly her legs became less like melted butter and more like legs. She became steadier as she got herself dressed. He himself got dressed.

"Which coat should I put on do you think," she asked him, "is it cold out?"

He shook his head.

"Just put on your spring jacket," he told her, "it's a bit nippy but not winter cold"

"I don't understand," she said, "why I have those panic attacks"

"There's no reason or rhythm," he explained, "that why they call them panic attacks"

"I call it unfair," she said letting out a sigh of frustration

"It is unfair," he acknowledged

"I'm sorry," she said, "I probably sound like an immature little kid"

"No you don't," he told her, "you sound like someone who's been stressed out and going through a lot. Your response to that is very normal. I would be worried if you didn't feel that way"

"I don't know how much longer I can handle them for," she said, "I don't know if I can hold out too much longer"

He got the car and brought it around to the front.

Then he got up, took her hand and brought her to the car.

"I know," he told her, "it's just for a little while. It's not going to last"

"My cousin is graduating tomorrow," she told him, "she's been like a sister to me since we were born"

He could tell she was trying to distract herself.

"I wish we could go to her graduation"

"We can," he told her, "Her collage is only 3 hours away by plane"

"But you're afraid of flying," she pointed out, "and I'm-"

"What aren't I afraid of," he joked, "and this is a special occasion"

"Thank you Adrian," she whispered, "I think this may help me to calm down a bit"

He shook his head.

"It's a start," he told her, "but Trudy this is serious. These panic attacks are controlling you instead of you controlling it"

"I can't control it," she told him

"No YOU can't control it," he told her gently, "not on your own. You need help getting it under control. That's why I've been the way I've been lately"

She looked at him utterly confused.

"You don't understand, do you," he asked her

"No," she admitted, "I really don't understand"

He parked the car and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Tru," he told her, "I saw you six days ago have a panic attack and literally freeze. You literally couldn't move. That's when I realized that you couldn't be in any situation that is a danger for you"

She looked at him for a minute an air of understanding crossing her face. Playfully she punched him in the arm.

"You could have explained that to me," she told him

"You're right," he said, "I could have **and I should have**"

"Well as long as you realize that you should have I forgive you for not doing it"

Laughing, Adrian pulled his wife closer to him.

"Tru," he told her, "I would never to anything that isn't in your best interest"

"I know that Adrian," she told him seriously

For 3 and ½ hours Adrian and Trudy walked on the boardwalk.

It wasn't until months later that the panic attacks started to get easier. It wasn't until a year later that it went away completely. But that night Trudy didn't know that. All she knew was what she told him before she fell asleep in his arms.

"In your arms I feel safe"


End file.
